“You might as well give in.”
“I don’t know what you’re taking about.”
“Yes you do. They’re on to you anyway.”
“Hmmm? Come again.”
“Oh, you let them think you’re so tame, but really, you’re a wild little thing.”
“So, you’re trying to blow my cover then?”
“No…No, it’s just that wild things should stalk and strut and saunter. And when they ask; “Just who do you think you are?” Rather than that contrite little grin, just tell them the truth instead.”
“And what would that be?”
“Your a hot mess –the daughter of Gypsy Lee Rose, Zeus, and Mae West –or at least that’s the best guess.”
“Oh, is that so?”
“Yes. It is. And when they look at you sideways, like they’re afraid you might be a little cracked, you can give them that wide Cheshire grin of yours, and a bouncy little Rudyard Kipling rap. Something like this; ‘Oh truly best beloved, do hear and listen and attend for this did befall and behappen and become, and it is true as true can be. Out of all the tame animals that were once wild, I was the wildest of them all: I am the cat!’”
“Ah, well yes. That is true. I am the cat –they already told me that.”
“And you can continue on like this:
‘No best beloved, I am not:
The Dog.
Or The Horse.
Or The Cow.
Or The Bat.
Why, I’m not even The Rat.
So you can just rule out The Mouse, all tiny and skittering about your house.”
“They’ll probably get wrapped around the axel if I tell it to ‘em like that!”
“What’s it to you? I mean, your the cat. The cat who walks by herself and all places are alike to you. You walk about flicking your wild tail while stalking the Wet Wild Woods all by your wild ‘lones. Remember? But I see your point. No need of starting an fight over that. Just hop in their lap and purr every so sweetly and remind them that you will keep your side of the bargain.”
“Ah. That’s right, ‘The Bargain!’ Remind me again, of the details.”
“But the Cat keeps her side of the bargain too. She will kill mice and she will be kind to Babies when she is in the house, just as long as they do not pull her tail too hard. But when she has done that, and between times, and when the moon gets up and night comes, she is the Cat that walks by herself, and all places are alike to her.
Then she goes out to the Wet Wild Woods or up the Wet Wild Trees or on the Wet Wild Roofs, waving her wild tail and walking by her wild lone.”
“Oh! And be sure to remind them of their side of the bargain too!”
“It’s only fair I suppose. Let me think, how did that go again… Ah, yes. I remember now. Ok my best beloveds, now sit, here, by the fire with me and
“Hear and attend and listen; for this befell and behappened and became and was, O my Best Beloved, when the Tame animals were wild. The Dog was wild, and the Horse was wild, and the Cow was wild, and the Sheep was wild, and the Pig was wild—as wild as wild could be—and they walked in the Wet Wild Woods by their wild lones. But the wildest of all the wild animals was the Cat. She walked by herself, and all places were alike to her….”
And what’s the moral? Pick up your barbell as often as you can, so that you can be The Cat –as wild as wild can be.
Many thanks for the inspiration, and apologies, to Rudyard Kipling for my current little romp. To learn of the cats bargain, read all of the most proper and yummy tale of: “The Cat Who Walked By Himself.”
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